The Power of 30 Seconds

How many times have you heard a coach/instructor at your workout studio say you can do anything for 30 seconds? It’s motivation tactic. I hear it frequently and it does intensify my resolve to keep going. So why not apply the same approach to conflict with your partner. The next time you perceive your partner engaging you harshly or disrespectfully, don’t sigh, roll your eyes and pop off with a snarky reply, pause for 30 seconds before engaging. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Furthermore, these 30 seconds offer an opportunity to harness your best self by beginning simple diaphragmatic breathing:

• ​Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose. Keep your shoulders relaxed. Your abdomen should expand, and your chest should rise very little.

• Exhale slowly through your mouth. As you blow air out, purse your lips slightly but keep your jaw relaxed. You may hear a soft “whooshing” sound as you exhale.

• Repeat this breathing exercise. You may need/want to exceed 30 seconds until you start to feel better. 

Now you can respond to your partner nondefensively and with curiosity to understand what’s under their harshness. Or you can ask them to share their perspective again, but more gently so that you can focus on their needs and not on their delivery. Try it; I know you have 30 seconds.